some words

I was waiting for my computer to finish it's harddrive scan while booting up and to allieviate my boredom I picked up an old notebook and found some prose/poetry I wrote last year while living in insolation in Utah. I decided to publish it here:

Sometimes I wonder if I haven't broken all the goodness left in me and corrupted it with appetite. 3:00 AM... 10:30 PM marked 24 hours with a mere 3 hours sleep behind that. The spur and tout of neuroticy, a failing shake into the collapse of self-indulgence. Self-asorbance - the sinkhole of the soul... Introspection in the amble of fatigue's breakdown defines my stupor, draping along the walls the confines of my space, thickening through haze to a rubbery suspension of reason and dull emotion. I ask why I'm still hanging on and I know the answer will bring me back to the start of this page, cycling, wearing down the grove of consciousness until the senselessness of it absorbs exhaustion in sheets and layers of lights and sounds to a darkening blur of muffled cacophony. Slowly all drifts away into a black and silencing listlessness.

Notes:  In case you don't know wht it is about - it's basically about insomnia (not about comitting suicide as some in the past have mistaken my poetry for).  Also, "neuroticy" is not a word as far as I am aware but I meant it to mean - in the state of being neurotic.  Perhaps the right usage would be neuroticacy??? nope, not a word either...  Additionally, in the word "Self-absorbance", I meant this to mean the action of being self-absorbed...  But 'absorbance' tends to have a different meaning as found in the some  scientific equation. 
Disregard that usage...

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Published:
10/31/2006 11:37:00 PM
by Benji