Thursday February

This day is done and 5pm says I can go home, not content and not discontent for what is waiting or not waiting there. Restlessness takes strides and dreaming roulette takes sleep at times. Life is guessing but the mind is missing in formulas and secrets and variables in store. Luck is what wins against the odds and misfortune is what gets lost. I'd guess you can't lose what you haven't got, only maybe the hope of what you'd want. If time is perception then restlessness is the telling that you are losing right now what you don't know you want, and giving away what you haven't thought to hope for. That's why we lay awake at night, wondering why we hunger... and we dowse for that hunger with what the world has to offer...but something inside still nags and tells us that it's not what we had wanted in the first place. Maybe we only want to want...and after we are given, we will want again. Then peace of mind is the lack of desire, wanting for nothing, also named contentment. But how can I reach the lack of desire if I desire to reach it? Is contentment then a myth? There are only moments unexpected which I suppose you must stumble on without seeking in which you grasp that peace and enlightenment for a brief while...but once you try to hold onto it, once you desire to keep it, it is already gone.

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You’re currently reading “Thursday February,” an entry on These days in New Zealand

Published:
2/15/2007 04:58:00 PM
by Benji